her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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