thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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