If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
