umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
