Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
