and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
