She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
