Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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