I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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