he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
