My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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