As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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