I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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