Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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