The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
and you fell through a lawn chair
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
