I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize