Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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