You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize