32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
