Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
