somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
