TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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