Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
