Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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