Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
