meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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