am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
