Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
