So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
