Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
