If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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