I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
