new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
