put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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