man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
