i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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