he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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