i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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