You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
