Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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