she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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