A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
