I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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