i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
