I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
