the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize