You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
