My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
