What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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