Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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