i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
