I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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