Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize