What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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