Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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