I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize