At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
