My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
