Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
