So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
