I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
