so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Farmville is her only friend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize