I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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