So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize