i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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