Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
