When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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