remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
