This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
